Speaking my mind is a place where I'm just myself. It is a place where imagination, facts and emotions live in harmony. A place where expressions get the right words..

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Today Is Better Than Yesterday..!!

Hi Friends, I am John De Costa working in a big multi national organisation involved in the business of selling Life Insurance policies. My core job was to fool the people to buy these insurance policies which will pay them money in future when they'll die.. (insert  sarcasm) 


Going to office was merely a tool to kill my time and nothing else. I was one of the worst performer in the organisation and my company was ready to kick me out anytime. 
To top it all I was not doing any wonders in personal front also. My long time girlfriend had almost made up mind to leave me. Parents no more wanted to introduce me as their son and my sister felt the same pinch introducing me as a brother. I did not have any idea as why all this was happening with me. There was something wrong with me only I knew but what, that I couldn't figure out. As a failure I always tried to run away from responsibilities, I also take the responsibility for the mess in my professional life. But the biggest problem was that despite knowing everything I felt helpless. 
And as a stereotype me too started blaming people and situations for all the mess. Even I did not spared God for my situation though at a certain level of consciousness. I knew its only because of me and nothing else but never let that thought ever come in front to make me feel more pathetic.
The very thought of committing suicide started developing as the months passed it grew stronger and stronger. 


December 29, 2008: I decided to end my misery on this fateful day. This is also my birthday. I thought people would not had to bother about remembering 2 different dates. 
After a thorough research on Google I found a quick and hopefully a less painful way of dying.
It says:
Nitrous Oxide is the most painless way to go. Puts you to sleep (in a lovely, giggly, light headed way) and kills you because it is starves your brain of oxygen. But you don't choke because your body still thinks it's getting air.
Just make sure no one finds you for a while otherwise you'll just end up being a vegetable.


I liked this idea but what does ending up like a vegetable means? I got confused. Anyhow I won't end up like a vegetable as no one really cares where I am and what I'm doing. 'But where will I get Nitrous Oxide from?' I thought. 'Lets try some druggists.' i said to myself but awefully the nearest one is around 5 kms away from my apartment. I jumped on my bike and started for the final destination (hopefully) I thought. I was nearly a km away from my apartment and that stretch of the road connects to a highway. So around my bike were all fast moving vehicles and zipping trucks. Everyone seemed to be in too much of hurry but I was relaxed and I knew this 10 km of journey from my home to druggist and back is most likely to be my last journey. 
Surprisingly, my phone started ringing and as I slowed my bike to stop at the side of the road I heard a loud noise of some sudden halt of the vehicles and a big thud noise.


And that disastrous scene was of a container felling on the bike which was just ahead of me a minute before. That poor guy was crushed to death. I was still standing on the side of the road in disbelief on what I just saw and experienced. 'Ohh Shitt, it could be me had this phone had not rung..' I thought. And that very moment I froze. I started shivering out of fear, the fear of death. Minutes before I was thinking of dieing and now suddenly this incident shook me from inside. Shockingly, I was feeling lucky for the first time in my life for not being that person who was just crushed to death.


That very moment I realised the value of life. that feeling was awesome. I was perhaps feeling happy after long. There was a church on on my left which had a signboard saying:
God has given you so many gifts to sow love and to give hope, to shine light and to spread joy. Abundant gifts. Use them. Give to yourself and give to others. There is an endless spring where they come from. 
This can't be real I thought. Too much happening at the same time. Does God really wanted me to realise all this. I thanked God for all the wisdom he showered on me that particular moment when I was feeling helpless and was very sure about ending my life.


That incident changed my course of life. My way of looking at things just changed all together and I realised life is not the count of years you spend but actually the count of moments you live. It made me responsible and a wise human being. My personal life started improving and so was my professional life. Today I'm a Vice President - Sales of that very organisation. I am now married to my long time girlfriend and we live with my parents, happily (most importantly).


In the end I just wanted to say that its just your way of looking at things and events that drives you in a right or a wrong direction. Sometimes you will have to wander to a bumpy and off the road track to find the right path. Difficult situations help you becoming a better and strong person. 
As someone rightly said 'What you see as an end is just a bend most probably..'





15 comments:

  1. Really nice one and very true!!I think many of us when facing difficulties start cursing ourselves but no one fights to make it better. We do nt understand that life is so precious and we only can make it better!!
    Really a good one yaar!!

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  2. its all about showing your gratitude towards your life and your life will be beautifull....
    nice one bro....

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  3. Really nice!!Its a nice lesson for those who loose hope when they are in difficulties...They dont know that whatever happens...happens for good.

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  4. Good one!! We complain because roses have thorns, we can rejoice that thorns have roses....its the way we see the things around :)

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  5. Good one Rahul... Like it so much :)

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  6. Dis one is different in a way dat it doesn't seems amateur writing @ all...my friend! u have come a long way and it's just great to see u coming up with such amazing write ups..!
    Keep dis ontogeny going in ur writings.. :)

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  7. though it seemed a long write-up in the begining but soon I found myself wanting more of it...very nicely written and ofcourse a very positive one...which I should try to include in my writing...somehow I end up giving a sad ending to my write-ups..

    Kudos!!!

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  9. hi rahul I read all your posts and all of them are nicely written..... the best part in your writing is that you are excellent in adding minor details about a character, situation or a place.... write more we are waiting :)

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  10. Thank you so much everyone for your time and all those nice words. Everytime I start writing I try to be different in my approach and thought process so that we can have different views of things in life.
    I hope I will continue to please you :)

    But most importantly your love and applause inspire the writer in me..
    thanks once again.

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  11. Nice Nice ... like the way you put surprise elements, like good story teller :o) ... also, nice observation about, how the human minds keeps thinking so much at one time, and then ...Bang! One hit and you get what the real deal is ! :)

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  12. Rahul this one is really nice and I liked it alot..and m glad to see u getting matured with your blogs...I always like positive thinking and m happy you ended ur blog in a positive manner..u r giving a moral to all those people who feels their life is a misery..and you have played a mentor in this direction...thanks for sharing this kind of blog with us ..!!

    Keep writing dude...way to go!
    Will wait for your next blog..:))

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  13. SO true..!!
    I loved the experience and with each word and phrase was getting more familiar with my own mood swings of emotions. Basically could easily connect and automatically applaud for this post.
    SO inspiring. Oye Rahul wht is your inspirations for such stories and details. I mean how do you actually shape up. That was intense and amazingly beautiful to read and respect.
    ~Keep the Spark ALive..

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  14. Life is precious..so was your way of expressing.. Good work..

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  15. Today is d best day much better den yesterday & tommorow

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