Speaking my mind is a place where I'm just myself. It is a place where imagination, facts and emotions live in harmony. A place where expressions get the right words..

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Life is a chaos..personified

It’s been years since we have parted ways but still the pain and the agony persists and somehow 'Time heals everything' seems not to be working for me. Its not that life is not going normally but then there is something that's always with you. A thought so deep rooted denying to leave me alone. A pain which by now have made a permanent place in me, without which life seems to be incomplete. It’s so strange, with time, how we even get attached to our pains and agonies. Every year as the fall arrives, I get even more drenched in her thoughts. An attachment with her absence, in a way as if she is there in the thoughts of my emptiness, goes stronger.


A hope of meeting her again kept me going through the unknown terrains of life. An evening always end with the notes of melancholy but then there always was a morning with the hope of meeting her again, seeing that face again. There always existed a dream beyond the walls of reality where I am with her, living a life full of beautiful moments and surrounded by the world that is in harmony with us and with this relationship. A place where everyone is happy to see us together. I sometimes wish I could break this wall and let these two worlds be in sync with love and life but this somehow can't happen and these worlds would always be distant. There would always be this wall of reality which wouldn't let the two dreams meet. 

But one day I decided to go for it, I decided to get what I'd always dreamt of. I decided to find her, meet her and complete what I'd left incomplete. All these thoughts, dreams and these pains have something to do with my life. For the last 4 years I'd not been able to let her go, has something to do. May be its written in my destiny to get her back that's why I'm not able to get over her and that is why my love for her have only grown stronger and deeper in all these years. I was overjoyed with just the thought of finding her again. 

Few days later, as a result of an intensive search I was able to locate her. I happened to meet a common friend who was still in contact with her. Without wasting much time I took her address and decided to give her a pleasant surprise. This overnight journey to her place seemed to be a journey of the lifetime. From the world of my realities to the world which I'd always dreamt of. The whole night I kept awake in the fear of missing her station if I would fall asleep. Strange enough, even after not sleeping for more than 24 hours, I could feel the blast of energy probably because of the excitement to see her again.

Finally, came my destination. As I stepped out of the train my phone rang, it was that common friend who gave me her address. "He must be calling to tell me the exact location." I thought and picked up the phone. "Listen Abhay, when we met yesterday I was so much carried away with your feelings for her that I was not able to collect guts to tell you that she's a happily married woman now. Your meeting with her can bring a storm in her married life. But still I would leave the decision on you." He said and disconnected.

For a moment it felt like the earth had stood still. Everything had stopped and life ceased to exist, as I could feel a complete blackout in my mind and body. There was no energy to even stand still. I sat at the bench nearby, facing the green lush farms on the opposite side of the platform. "All these years when I's drenched in her thoughts and memories, she was having fun in her life." I thought. These thoughts, pains and feelings are only confined to me. The melancholy of the nights and the loneliness of the day which I always misunderstood as a connection between us never existed and the life which I chose for myself was not destiny but a mistake. I failed to learn from a mistake I made years ago. I realized how time always moved forward but I'd always chosen to live in the past. 

After a rush of strong negative emotions, suddenly, I felt lighter. As if something was sitting on my head since ages have fallen off. It was a sense of relief. A feeling so strange which had the sorrow of getting apart but also the satisfaction of letting it go. I realized, the sequence of events I'd gone through in last few days were actually necessary to flush out the remains of a failed relationship.

Sometimes when we fail to move ahead, life takes us through such turns and twists to make us realize that everything except you, have moved ahead and changed for a different perspectives in life. Life is not a scripted stage show, instead, Life is a chaos..personified.



17 comments:

  1. @ Rahul
    Love the post. Beautiful flow. And absolute co incidence. how...hmm...for that U will hav to read my long post 'Just so u know - 1,2,3,4,5 parts'

    For which I feel ur post is just an apt summary :)
    Between yeah dil maange more....I absolutely love it....bole toh wht a diwali dhamaka!!

    Definitely U r pretty good in love stories....sad or happy ending I don't care...its just that U r too good and I don't Hate Love Story!


    ~Keep the Spark ALive..

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  2. Wen I was readin thru it.. I cud actually relate it to so many true incidents... thank you for writing and sharing this ! N yes, very well said : "Sometimes when we fail to move ahead, life takes us through such turns and twists to make us realize that everything except you, have moved ahead and changed for a different perspectives in life!" Keep rocking... !!

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  3. OMG. this story is so relative to my personal experience. We definitely need to keep flowing in life.

    BTW, what changed my perspective about love was a movie 'Turning 30'. A solution to someone, is another someone and to that is a haircut....beautifully said...Rachana, you blog here too?

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  4. A wonderful love story with truth in it.After all everything in this world changes and moves forward.Kudos to the message !

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  5. Yeah.....Life n evrythn arnd us move on bt smtims v jst feel bettr stayin in our wrld of memories n dnt want to let it go. Its inspirational to read dis dat v shud move on wid tym.....hope it wrks!!!!! Beautifully written......

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  6. Beautiful and heart touching story...!!! Right message given, one should wait only for someone if he/she is sure that the person is worth the wait or one can landup wasting their lives like this.Loved it!!

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  7. u know something? Everyone can equally relate to this post. y? becoz each one of us has loved and lost and then resisted to let those memories go and emotions flow. But live is a circle, it completes its teaching by making us suffer and then heal the wound with a realization which we call experience. As for ur closing lines 'it is a stage show but its script is very much personified - u make it chaotic or calm is indeed a personal choice' :))

    quite a long comment...but the post deserved more :D


    sarah

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  8. u have written somethng...which i may face in future.....!!!...u know wat am toking abut....but life... Is to move on....n i will...will not make this mistake....lol........thanks for sharing buddy

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  9. Deboshri Deb had troubles posting comments.. on her behalf, copy paste from FB ;)

    Deboshri Deb: Life is a chaos no doubt..but yes that's what keeps us on toes and make us learn so many things out of the twist and turn..Well written and thanks for writing..you realy move so many thoughts and emotions hidden within us..which makes us or at least I can surely say 'me' see things differently..

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  10. Damn ! its a truth of life. We have to learn how to move on or else decide at that point whether you want to be with that person forever or not.
    Imp point : Decide what ever you think(not feel) is right and carry it in the future boldly.

    Take care.
    Nice read !

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  11. A wonderful post. I exactly know the "feeling". I had too, scripted one such post some time back. Take a look at it.

    http://indian-ranting.blogspot.com/2008/05/my-life-document1-microsoft-word.html

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  12. Rahul, I loved your post. Seriously, life is all about moving on and I hope you won't mind if I use this post as an inspiration to write a poem...

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  13. Rahul..fabulous blog this time as well. I think we all can relate it to ourselves as most of us have passed this phase of life someway..and liked your message too. But one thing I noticed here is that we can give one more message here...will let you know..:).

    Beautiful written post again Rahul, have done justice to your job. Keep rolling with your blog..:))

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  14. Meena Arora SharmaOctober 30, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    This story didn't sound unfamiliar as this might have happened with many around us but the best part of this was the end of the story : Positive attitude towards life. That's what I liked the most.

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  15. Very Very Well said Rahul Bhai.. Proud Of you.
    This is what we call ...Being Practical and Optimist in life.
    Life is actually a very very important and beautiful aspect of human kind and its our duty to show respect towards our life and we can only justify this if we have a positive attitude in Life. Proud Of You bhai... :)

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  16. hmmmmm...you made me think ... I think I should also.....enough of waiting...hmmmm
    Nice Rahul....loved these lines the most... made me think.........
    "All these years when I's drenched in her thoughts and memories, she was having fun in her life." I thought. These thoughts, pains and feelings are only confined to me. The melancholy of the nights and the loneliness of the day which I always misunderstood as a connection between us never existed and the life which I chose for myself was not destiny but a mistake.

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  17. When you're parted from someone you love a lot, the pain stabs you mercilessly right where is hurts the most. and then, one day you go numb. That's where the hurting period actually begins, never to end.

    Very nicely written!

    I'd love it if you visited my blog too. maybe we could follow each other? :)

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