Speaking my mind is a place where I'm just myself. It is a place where imagination, facts and emotions live in harmony. A place where expressions get the right words..

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Blurred Lines - Part 1


Hi, I am Peter Parker, 55, a retired Psychiatrist. No, actually not retired. I let go my job at The Institute of Neuro-Sciences where I was a well-known practitioner. Well known for my way of working and using unorthodox techniques for treating my patients. One of those techniques is using lucid dreaming. My techniques of using lucid dreaming were considered as playing with the brain's natural way of functioning. There was a scepticism about disturbing the sub conscious state of mind. But for me it was just having realization of your sub consciousness and deriving the desired results which otherwise are impossible with an awaken mind.

lucid dream is any dream in which one is aware that one is dreaming. In a lucid dream, the dreamer may be able to exert some degree of control over their participation within the dream or be able to manipulate their imaginary experiences in the dream environment. Lucid dreams can be realistic and vivid. It blurs the line between the two opposite worlds.

Putting it simply means that one can control his/her dreams with regular practice and even can plan and execute a dream. One best thing about it is that, in this state of mind a person can do such activities which may not be physically achievable in conscious state of the brain. In my medical career of 15 years I have helped so many patients to get out of there depression and sadness by experiencing things as they want them to be through a lucid dream. They used to come to me for being able to control some things and situations which they weren't able to, in their real life. Some used to come to me to find the answers to the questions whose answers are beyond brain's ability of thinking, in an awaken state. And the most powerful yet dangerous trait of this exercise is over powering your own self and all the fears, even death.

Andrea, I first met her on a bus ride to hospital. I never knew this small journey with her is a part of that long journey we were destined to travel together. Though she was beautiful, charming and a warm person but there was something more to her that caught me. I guess it was pain that one could see in her eyes. Not sure if everyone else could see it but for me it was surely a big reason for getting hooked to her. Whenever we used to talk I always tried not to see in her eyes. May be I was afraid to face her pain and her past. As I got to know her better I realized that she had a troubled childhood. But as this relationship grew stronger the idea of spending life with her got firmer. And, one fine day we finally took the wows. We were two opposite characters, my profession's demand made me vocal and expressive while she was more of a reserved personality but a deep thinker. First 5 years of our married life were good but then there was something that was building on in her. I and my work were somehow a reason for Andrea's deteriorating mental health. Her loneliness and depression of not being able to conceive was taking toll on her. I introduced to her the techniques of lucid dreaming like I used to do with my other patients. Initially she responded well to the treatment and even I could see the signs of normalcy. I was happy to have my Andrea back. She was the only one whom I could say mine in this whole world.

One day I got a call from Andrea while I was at work and couldn't attend her call somehow. Five minutes later my cell phone beeped again, it was a message from Andrea, which read, "Today I'm going to cross all the barriers and then there will be no walls between the two worlds. I'm not leaving you but I'm just across that wall. Love you. Andrea." By the time I finished reading I knew she's gone and a drop of tear fell down my cheeks. I rushed for home which was nearly 50 miles away from the hospital. When I reached home I saw police all around. A police person came to me and told that they are taking the body away for the post mortem, though I knew the reason but I didn't stop them.
As I entered the bedroom I rushed to the Lucido Meter which she had used to attain that state of lucidity in which one starts feeling so strong that even the idea of death seems small to him/her. The transcripts of lucido meter confirmed my assumptions.

This ended my world and that day I decided to quit my practice as a psychiatrist. I thought if I couldn't convince and treat the one I'm closest to, then how I would be able to treat someone else.

Life never looked up since the day Andrea was gone. One day I was sitting in a pub like any other day waiting for the waiter to pour some more wine in my empty glass. Owner of this small country side pub and his one helper were the only people with whom I was in contact for the last 5 years. I heard the voice of a lady saying "Can I sit here Mr Parker?". More than anything else I was surprised by the fact that someone took my name after all these years. As I looked up I saw a lady in her mid-40s, a bit tired but had a hint of achievement on her face as if her target was meeting me. I didn't know how to react at first because the last 5 years were almost a speechless journey. Though I nodded a 'Yes'. "Hello Mr Parker, sorry Dr. Parker" she said. "Mr Parker was still ok; I'd left my profession long back." I replied. "Quitting your practice can't take away the title of a doctor from you" She said. I was confused why suddenly someone on this earth remembered me and what does she want. "What’s your problem lady?" I asked. "My son wants to die, he wants to commit suicide and I want you to stop him, treat him for his depression like you treated hundreds of other patients in your career...." she said and there was an uncomfortable pause after that. Hearing the word suicide brought all the painful memories of Andrea back. I thought to myself that poor lady didn't know that I couldn't stop even my wife from dying then how would I stop her son. "I can't help you; I can't do anything about it.." I said loud enough that anyone present there could hear and I left the pub hastily as if someone was following me. Yes, the memories of my life with Andrea were following me. 

That night I couldn't sleep because the thoughts of Andrea and the guilt of not being able to save her gripped me. The following morning, as I entered the pub again and was making myself believe that yesterday was just an ugly dream, I found that lady sitting beside the same table.

And as they say that change is the only constant.....





4 comments:

  1. Gud work Rahul.. Wenzz d part II coming?

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  2. Nice piece Rahul...And the message is Life goes on and so should you. :-)..Piya Saha.

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  3. Just loved it :) Simply awesome!!

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  4. Rahul The story line is fantastic and each sentence was bringing inquisitiveness in me:) means the purpose of story is solved. I suld say that narration style is very crystal clear and m hungrily waiting for second part. Love you rahul

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